daughter is ruling the house

[beepbeep]

So my daughter worked locally for years and after 6 years she finally left. The job was making her miserable at the end, as the boss was very belittling. She travelled and found a place to work abroad, she stayed for a year at this job. The manager she had to talk to every day had untreated bipolar and become horrible to her. So she came home, and has been for the last 8 months. She works for us sometimes.

But she is awful to live with. She argues with me every day. And I started arguing back. She has low self esteem and I don't know if she is depressed. But she won't do anything to help herself.

Yesterday, I was doing some washing up and she poured some water on the floor rather then the sink. So I said don't do that. Well she started going off at me and I apologised, but she stayed in her bed all day. I could cope if she stayed in bed, but I feel bad so I go up and see her, and she always starts again, making herself angry. She feels she hasn't got anything to live for. She won't go to the Doctor, I said i would pay for counselling but she says it will make her feel troubled. It goes on and on. My husband and son try to help, but it never stops and they give up. She never gets cross with them only me. What can I do?

[TOM-RO]

Hi @beepbeep thank you for sharing and reaching out to us. I'm sorry to hear that you've things haven't been going too well. It sounds like you are trying really hard to connect with her and offer her support. What's been working well between you and your daughter so far?

I'm also wondering how you are looking after yourself during this difficult time? It's important to practice some self-care to make sure that you're getting through this too. We are here to listen and support you. I'll tag some of our members for further support and advice @taokat @sunflowermom @hippychick @Caz01

[beepbeep]

Thank you. My way of looking after myself is that I do spiritual healing and get healing myself.

[beepbeep]

My daughter is again in a foul mood and says that I want her unhappy. And until I accept that she won't talk to me. She does but she just wants me to accept that. The thing is I really don't think its true. I am so tired of her arguing with me. Today i woke her up too late and woke my son up. So she is in a bad mood. The following day she is in a bad mood because I woke her too early. She is 27 and I said you can set your own alarm!!

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @beepbeep,

That sounds like such a tough situation right now - my heart goes out to you 

You mentioned that your daughter is not open to seeking help. I can imagine this must be hard for you and your husband. Does she have any friends or other people in her support network?

I'm wondering if you would be open to speaking to a counsellor about what is happening for you at home? Sometimes it can be really helpful to speak to a professional who may be able to give you some advice on what you can do to support your daughter to take steps forward in her wellbeing.

It honestly sounds like you are doing everything you can to support her right now!

I'm going to tag a few more parents here to offer their perspectives @Moggy3kids @Bren-G_ @sunflowermom @Tulip

[sunflowermom]

Dear @beepbeep

I am sorry you are going through this.  You are such a loving parent to allow your daughter back in your home to live.  I know what it feels like to be at your end of things when our children wont talk to us.  Its so frustrating.  Do you think you and your husband can have a sit down with her?  Maybe because she is  living in your home she is required to try therapy or whatever idea you may have to get her actively seeking mental wellbeing.

The only thing I can think of about arguing is this.  If she starts arguing with you- then don't engage with her.  At that point she's not listening anyway.  I know its easier said then done but its how we keep things from escalating in my house.  Then I come back later in a calm time to discuss my point.  My daughter sometimes seeks drama, so I have decided not add fuel to THAT fire.

Keep us posted.  You are not alone.

[Dad4good]

Hi @beepbeep,

Yes, it sounds like a very tough situation. Is this something that you have always had to manage?