Oh that sucks  @Big_Crab But I'm glad the issue is sorted now. Please let me know if it happens again so we can work out where the glitch is. ... View more

Ok, we gave it a shot. We'll try again next week! Good night folks!   ... View more

Hello @Harry1002 I hope you'll pop by and say hey.   ... View more

Ok, so tell me I'm not here playing twister on my own!!   Who's in the house?   ... View more

That's absolutely true @LovingThruBlue You don't need to 'cure' her in the next 5 weeks. I imagine they're just wanting to see signs of her being 'in recovery' or exactly as you say "improving". Well done!! I'm really happy for both of you.   Will you be popping back around 8 PM for a chat? ... View more

Arrghhh...how did I miss this?? What an amazing thread @taokat   I'm bumping this up and I'll start adding resources. @taziness I know how many amazing resources you are connected to, could you share your wisdom with us, please? ... View more

It sounds like all it really needs is for you, your husband and your son to agree together that school is not the place for him and you can start working on the next step together. This might sound odd but have you considered having a celebration of sorts. Like a graduation for your son? Most early school leavers (even the term suggests they are leaving at a bad time) make the decision that school is not for them amongst a lot of opposition and negativity. They are told that they're gambling or jeopardising their future, that they'll always be behind their peers in terms of earning capacity and therefore happiness and self-worth. They leave in a shroud of shame and will often not want to tell people that they have left. They certainly never get acknowledged for putting in the effort that they did and then making a really hard decision. If you had a celebration for your son it would mean that not only are his massive efforts at attending being recognised but it's letting him know that you're proud of him for making a decision based on his mental well-being. It's also an acknowledgement that he still has many options open to him, both educational and vocational, but nothing is as important as him first surviving and then thriving. (sorry for the terrible rhyme)   It may be a bit much, but I'm sure your respective opinions mean a lot to your son and if he knows he's fully supported, it could greatly impact how he feels about his immediate and long term future.     ... View more

@lucille He sounds great!! He sounds like he's doing really well in the friendship department. 1300 boys is a lot! And understandably overwhelming. It's testimony to you and your husband that he is comfortable telling you guys exactly how he feels about the school and the students. The fact that he feels connected and shares his experiences with others and laughs is everything you could ask. He sounds like he gets a great mix of face to face and online interactions. From what I can tell, it really sounds like the school is the biggest burden your son is shouldering at the moment. Is that accurate? ... View more

Hi @momof1teen I'm so sorry I haven't said hello until now. I somehow missed your post.   I completely agree with @GrhRo and @taokat that this is a great place to share your struggle. If you feel up to it, you can click here and share your story with us. It's the best way to get other parents to share their stories with you and offer suggestions about what worked for them.   Another thing you might want to consider is coaching. It's completely free and delivered by trained professionals at The Benevolent Society. It's done online and then over the phone and is designed for parents who want to improve their relationship with their teenager. You can do one session or many. It's up to you. Click here to check it out.   We hope you stick around. If you're home tonight and have a spare moment,  join us for our very first evening chat! You can find it by clicking here. ... View more

You bet @taokat Tonight's the night! ... View more

Want to update on your day @taokat ? Or @Big_Crab   I'd love to hear from @lucille  @LovingThruBlue  @Bigash  @Red21  @taziness and all the other mums about how their day was.   Mine was super low key. Everyone in pyjamas all day. I spent the majority of the day fighting with my 7-year-old son over whose turn it was on the X-box. Considering it was Mother's Day, I feel I should have won way more than I did. ... View more

@LovingThruBlue 's new thread is here. Definitely worth reading!! ... View more

I'm so sorry to hear that @Big_Crab  What a blow. ... View more

That's wonderful @lucille in terms of him not having to go. I know that for many parents in NSW, when the legislation changed to 17 or a school certificate equivalent, it made it an impossible situation to navigate. How on earth do you force a 17-year-old to go to school? I'm so impressed he's keen to work in the afternoons. Has he expressed an area of interest?    I completely understand the concerns you have around him being isolated. They are warranted. But can I make a small suggestion? One of the shifts parents of this generation are needing to make is their views on what constitutes a 'real' friendship or interaction. For us, talking to someone online is not the same as meeting them for coffee or dinner. But, for our children, being online with someone is almost identical to being with someone irl.  I'm not suggesting that you encourage or allow your son to stay inside 24 hours a day only chatting online but it might be helpful to chat with him about who he interacts with that leaves him feeling good about himself. If he has a tight circle of gaming or forum friends and when he talks with them he feels cared about and connected then he'll struggle if that's removed. If it helps, we have a number of members on the youth forum who have been there for years and are now one of the trained volunteer moderators and they describe their Reach Out crew as some of their best mates. And they may not even live in the same state.   How does he go with peers? Has he expressed feeling lonely? ... View more

That's incredible news @LovingThruBlue !! What a win for you and your daughter. You must be thrilled!!  Well done for keeping going with what felt right to you. I know your instincts were very strong around the experiences your daughter has when she stays at the hospital and it's wonderful you were able to get the doctors to see it from your perspective. Did you feel like a team working together for the best outcome possible for your daughter? Will she give work a go in the 5 weeks or are you holding off? ... View more

Hi @momof1teen Thank you so much for joining us here at ReachOut Parents. I'm so sorry things have been so hard for you and your daughter. It sounds like you've both been through a lot. Unfortunately, she's taking it out on you. Which is not uncommon for a kid who has been rejected by a parent. They test the other to see if they'll leave too.  Sometimes our adult parent brain can look at things and think "she didn't know him, he never did anything for her, why would she grieve him leaving?" and we forget that when you're young your parents wield this huge power, especially absent ones. The absence becomes this huge hole in their lives and if the parent appears and then disappears, it can be brutal. It's a lot for a teenage girl to process. Which does not make her harsh words any easier to hear but might help you access your compassion when you're feeling really hurt. I agree that the free coaching can do wonders to improve communication. It's over the phone and available outside of office hours, you can do it in one session or more if you want to cover more issues. The main thing is it gives you practical steps you can use immediately to improve your relationship with your daughter. If this sounds like something you might be interested in, click here and it will take you to the page.   And you are absolutely right, that woman has no idea about you at all. Try not to give her your valuable energy.  ... View more

Hello @lucille Welcome to Reach Out parents!! Thank you so much for your lovely post. Your warmth just flows from the screen!! What an amazing family you guys sound like.   I'd like to congratulate you and your husband for being such amazing, devoted parents. I'm sure your son doesn't feel lucky in many ways but I hope, deep down, he knows how lucky he is to have you both. You both sound incredible. And exhausted. And you son sounds amazing too. What a soldier. He's clearly carried a huge weight for a long time. My heart absolutely goes out to him. I think you've all done so well and worked so hard to keep him in school, I completely understand if you feel it's time to give it a rest.   I'm a pragmatist when it comes to education, I believe that anyone there against their will is unlikely to learn. I've also worked with many young people and adults who have rejected school in their teens and then educated themselves using alternative pathways. Sometimes it doesn't happen until they're adults but it happens.   I'm guessing if your son is 16 then he's required to attend. Is that correct?     @taokat @Elena @LovingThruBlue and @taziness all have intimate knowledge of alternative schooling options and I'm sure they'll share what they know with you.   ... View more

I agree @Big_Crab that 'time to relax' is so important. It's great that you can find some time in the afternoons to do that. That's one of the things that trips me up. I sleep late, because I'm tired so the only time I get to be alone and relax is the evenings. As my kids get older that's become later and later. Some nights I'll stay awake until 1 AM watching Netflix or reading stuff on the internet. It makes getting up early very difficult.  I also had a long commute until recently. Which meant getting up at least 90 minutes earlier. It wrecked me! So I'm in awe of your ability to do it day after day.   Haha @Lily17 That's hilarious. We have that same animal barn sound at our place. Although it all comes from one pen! And I'm the same, early mornings and my brain do not get along.  ... View more

Thanks for the update @Torry_Cox I'm not sure there's a huge amount more you can do than what you've done. Unless you think the Grandma should say something next time he speaks to her poorly. It might give him better insight into the effect he's having on her when he talks to her like that. But I also know that's a big ask for a Grandma. Not many Grandmas are up for conflict. ... View more

@Lily17 Is it bad that I laughed at your kids reply?  That's the problem with raising smart kids, they can find an answer to everything.    Great idea, by the way. I agree that using 'big ticket' items to negotiate behaviour is a good way to go. Of course, a lot of it will depend on how genuinely keen he is to go. My suggestion is to try not to get too much from him in return for the trip but, instead, present it as the start of a new agreement between the two of you.   A lot of parents use the milestone of turning 16 as an opportunity to introduce some new responsibilities and privileges. For example, an extended curfew in exchange for agreeing to always respond to texts when you check in. There are lots of options you can explore, particularly because he's now at an age where some things are allowed that previously weren't. I've worked with parents who, on their teenager turning 16, have decided they will allow the boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over (as long as the partner is 16 too) but the teenager must return to the house rather than stay out.  Please don't feel like you have to go down that road though, many parents remain uncomfortable with teenagers having sex either under 18 or before marriage, so they don't condone it through allowing partners to stay overnight, which is 100% your choice.   The main thing is to work out what you want to achieve and then develop a plan to get there. Coaching can be awesome to help you do that. It's free and done online and then over the phone. The coach is a trained professional from The Benevolent Society who have been delivering face to face coaching for a number of years. The thing I like best about this service is that it's something you can start straight away and you can get what you need in as little as one session of two hours. But, if you want to go deeper and learn more you can have additional sessions. All fitting around your schedule.  If you want to have a look, click here.         ... View more

Thanks so much for replying @Bigash I am so sorry to hear how hard this is for you and the boys.  It's hard enough to go through a break-up and try and organise custody let alone having to deal with the boys being hurt and nothing happening to change it.  Those poor kids. I really hope you all get a good solution soon.   You already have DoCS and the police involved. Which is great. Because there's a record of the abuse and your concerns.   How is your legal representation? If you need legal advice you can try Law Access, click here, they give free legal advice over the phone. Or you can click here to search for the closest Community Legal Centre. They have times when you can go in and get free face to face advice as well as arrange representation.   The other option might be looking onto advocacy groups who could support you through this. Or do you feel like you have all the support you need?     ... View more

Wow @Big_Crab as a chronic late sleeper, I can't even imagine functioning that early. I haven't travelled much and get very excited when I do, but last time I went overseas I had to wake up at 5 AM and I genuinely considered cancelling the holiday. that's how much I hate early mornings.   What got you started with waking up that early? Or have you always done that? ... View more

Thanks so much for posting @Lily17 Sorry about the difficulties you had along the way!   You get so little sleep. Is that because you're working while the kids are sleeping? I know I tend to have late nights because when my kids are finally asleep it just feels like I'm finally able to do what I want to do, it's hard to give it up and sleep. Is that what happens for you too? ... View more

Hey @Mum2017   I hope it's ok that I made this a thread of its own. I just know there are other parents having similar issues who will benefit from reading what you've written as well as parents who have been through this and might have some suggestions on what could work.   @workingdad2 I know your son is a little bit older, do you have any tips Mum2017 could try? ... View more