Haha @taokat that's exactly where I went with your previous post.   Ok so @LovingThruBlue I'm sure you're probably all over this by now but I just had a chat with my daughter and she reminded me of the dishes I made that were vegetarian for her but made it past the palate of a tween. So here's what worked for us -    Mac and cheese (until she turned vegan) was super popular with everyone. You can amp up the health factor by grating zucchini and cauliflower into it during cooking. Cover the top with buttered panko crumbs and bake until crispy and nobody mentions the lack of meat.   Veggie lasagne - the trick here was keeping the veggies small and unnoticeable. I would cook up a batch of 'bolognese' sauce with grated carrot and zucchini, eggplant cut into tiny cubes so it practically disappears and mushrooms. Everyone is cool with mushies so I didn't have to hide them.  Add tinned tomatoes and tomato paste and all the other things you usually add to a kick-ass sauce  Once that's good you just make the lasagne like normal.  If I was making it just for the eldest I would roast vegetables and layer them but the younger kids just pulled them out.   Mashed potatoes and gravy. Or chips and gravy. Believe it or not, Gravox is vegetarian. Maybe even vegan, I can't remember that bit. It's the perfect comfort food. And if you're fancy you can by those jelly like vegetarian stock pots and make the gravy from scratch.   Garlic fried mushrooms with parsley   Sliced zucchini sprinkled with parmesan cheese and baked until crispy.   Tacos or nachos made with beans not mince. The trick is to cook it for ages and then go at it with a potato masher so you can't see the beans anymore. It actually looks like mince!! Or you can buy pre-made, refried beans but I recommend the reduced salt ones because they are salty af. And like three times the price of No Name kidney beans. Top with cheese, guacamole and sour cream.   There's a theme here, which I'm sure you can see. I hid the vegetables so the kids didn't notice them then I added cheese. It's not a vegan diet but it is vego and most importantly, it meant I didn't have to cook two dinners. Which was never going to happen. By the time she moved out, I had become really grateful that her commitment to animals meant we all ate healthier, and cheaper, than before.   Sorry to bombard you!! ... View more

Hey @Schooner Thanks so much for sharing this. It's a good one. We had similar ones at my old work that came out of Mental Health month one year.   One source of info that often goes untapped is the local council. They have funding for these types of initiatives and are often involved in one way or another. Jumping on your local council's website can often reveal where free meditation classes are, or MH seminars etc.   When I used to do free parenting seminars they were always in conjunction with several local councils and were promoted on their event calendars.   Might be worth checking out. ... View more

Please take that with a grain of salt (yay! cooking pun) though @hashtagmum I freeze everything with very little regard to how it looks when defrosted. So there may be a rule about freezing dhaal that I'm unaware of.   ... View more

The time will come @taokat but luckily for you, you'll have @Zoesplace 's amazing expertise to guide you through. ... View more

  Can I  be a foodie photographer who steals really good shots off the internet? ... View more

Hi @Kizaa Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can hear how concerned you are about your son.  It can be very hard to watch our children 'act out', especially when we've just gone through or are going through something difficult. We immediately feel like it must be our fault. The most important thing is that you're paying attention to your son's moods and responses, which shows love and commitment. That means a huge amount.     The Raising Children Network has forums like these but with many more parents of younger kids. You can click here to access them. They have a section there for primary school aged children where you can hear from other parents having similar experiences.   As your little guy is still a bit young for therapy, per say, have you thought about doing relationship counselling for your partner and you so you can make sure the conflict in the house is reduced?  Triple P Parenting courses are available all over Australia, often free, to help parents learn ways of implementing boundaries with kids in a way that everyone feels like they win.   Would that be something you would consider?   ... View more

Hey @LovingThruBlue my eldest has been vegan then vegetarian since 17 years old. She's now 24. My dad and his family are vego and he's a vego chef, so I am very happy to hit him up for some recipes but I wanted to share one with you that I have turned a number of my friends onto and my eldest learned to cook herself.   It's a super basic Dhaal - as mentioned by @hashtagmum   No exact recipe but you need -  a tin or two of cooked lentils (or for the super cheap version use little red lentils in the Asian section at Coles or Woollies. They are so little you can cook without pre soaking) veggie stock (again for cheap use Massal and water - just fine) a tin or two of diced tomatoes Indian spices (for cheap use the classic curry mix. I've used korma paste or curry pastes, they all work) garlic chopped onion chopped oil fresh coriander Heat oil in a big pan or saucepan until hot and then add spices - stir for a few minutes add garlic and onion and stir until cooked add lentils and stir for a couple of minutes add tomatoes and stir add stock and stir leave to simmer for 30 mins or longer - top up liquid if it dries out - only salt if needed. add chopped coriander when serving.   We live on this in winter. It freezes really well and tastes great for a couple of days in the fridge. It's a great brunch served on avocado on turkish toast. I make it super mild so my kids will eat it but if she's into spicy you can crank that up. The beauty of this dish is it's healthy and really hard to wreck. The spices and stock stop it from being bland and kids can learn to cook it really easily and feel like they're making something exotic.   You also don't have to call it Dhaal if your daughter isn't into that sort of food.   It basically turns out like this -    ... View more

Hey @Zoesplace  I'm coming in late to the convo too but I'd love to share my experiences, if that's ok. As someone that went through this, my first suggestion is; try and breathe through the excitement that she's making changes and steady yourself with the knowledge that people aren't linear and sometimes they make amazing leaps of awareness and draw lines in the sand only to return several days later and rub the line out. Or those lines can get rubbed out by pretty words and tears and promises to change. But, if that happens, it's ok because having drawn the line once means she can draw it again. This may be the end, it may be the beginning of something wonderful or it may be a moment of learning your daughter will lean on later when she needs it again. No matter which one, remind yourself that you and your husband love your daughter very much and will support her through all the things.   I agree that reading about this stuff can be super helpful, for you guys too. Don't be worried if your daughter isn't too keen on it at first, there are lots of reasons why a young person might not be into it. Books, especially non-fiction, can be a grind for some people, or it can be too confronting to acknowledge the nature of your relationship or it might just feel unnecessary. But if you guys read stuff it will equip you with tools on how to approach things, how to support her and how to model behaviour that will help your daughter improve her boundary setting skills. What sort of stuff is she into? If she reads novels do you know what sort of things she likes? I'm going to do a hunt and see what I can find in the way of YA books or apps etc. that tackle similar types of relationships. I'll share anything I find.    I feel so strongly about how young people, of this generation and ours and our parents were raised on this diet of 'romantic love' that we later found out fits the model of co-dependence perfectly. Love is supposed to be overwhelming, it's supposed to make you feel alive and like dying, all at the same time. It takes your breath away, makes you fly, sends you to heaven, drowns you, lifts you, spins you round like a record and makes you drunk. All on the first date. Then we try and teach our kids that mutual respect, space to grow, time apart and individual interests are what's healthy and wonder why they're confused. Maybe try talking to her about this stuff the next time you see it, in a pop song or movie. 17 years old is a tough age. Maybe this is a good time to 'pull the veil off' the romance idea a bit and explore what relationships really look like with her. Because even if she's completely finished with this guy (fingers crossed) I guarantee you there will be others to fill his place, she'll always benefit from your wisdom.   And don't forget to pat yourself on the back for being such an awesome parent. It's impossible not to feel how much you love her in your posts. I'm sure your support makes all the difference for her. :) ... View more

Hey @Faob_1   I've been away for a week so I didn't have a chance to read your full story until today. I just wanted to ask if you think the cannabis use might be daily. In my previous role, I worked with kids who had substance misuse issues and your son's behaviour matches a lot of the markers that go with chronic cannabis / synthetic cannabis use. poor emotional regulation,  Things like: poor emotional regulation, unpredictability around responses to things, demanding money or things that can be used as trade, leaving the house at all hours, anger escalating into aggression and risk taking/law breaking to get money/goods. Of course, this behaviour can mean other things too so please don't feel like this must be what it is, I just noted that you referenced cannabis a few times and wondered if you had considered a connection.   Also, please don't feel like you have to disclose anything you're not comfortable with. If this is a topic you'd rather not discuss, I completely respect that.  :)  ... View more

Welcome to ReachOut Parents @Oreo26 Thank you so much for coming and sharing what's going on for you. There are a number of parents here who I believe can really relate to what's going on with you and your son at the moment. I know I do. I remember feeling so heartbroken when my then 13-year-old would be this delightful, polite and respectful teenager with others (the texts from parents saying "she was such a delight to have. she's welcome anytime" were equal parts wonderful and awful) and then she'd come home and treat me like crap.   She had the capacity to behave well, I had proof! so I knew it wasn't a social developmental issue or something like that. What I needed to do was let her know that the same reasoning she applied to her behaviour outside the house NOW applied within.  Things like, I wouldn't put up with it anymore. When she would treat me poorly I would just disengage immediately. So if she wanted something, she had to ask properly.  I let her see the impact. I told her how much it hurt my feelings and if she was mean enough to make me cry, I'd let her see it.  She needed to know her actions had consequences. And lastly, I started to identify when it happened - number 1 was coming home from a sleepover, she was always tired and she has less control of herself when she's tired. So I always let her go to her room and chill until she sleeps and gets caught up. What that did was acknowledge that she was human too and just like me, she sometimes can't regulate as well as she can others, so she's learning to not engage during those times.   Have you noticed any times he's more likely to behave poorly? ... View more

Hey @Faob_1 How are things going? It sounds like you guys are going through a really crappy time. I hope you're all getting through ok. Please let us know if there's anything we can help with. Even if you just want to come here and vent, that's fine too.   Whatever works for you.   ... View more

Hi @Orbit64 Welcome to ReachOut Parents!! Well done on coming here and giving it a go. It can be so hard to try new things when you feel utterly depleted, it often feels like nothing will work.  I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you and your family at the moment. It sounds like everyone, including your son, is suffering at the moment. That's such a hard situation for you all to be in. So please take a moment to acknowledge yourself for coming here, looking for answers. You sound like such a committed and loving father.   I agree with Taokat that coaching is a great first step. It's something you can do as soon as you're ready that will provide you with practical steps you can start using straight away.  It's not an instant fix but it is a great way to respond to what's happening right now. Here's the link again, if that helps.   It can often be tricky to navigate the sibling landscape when there's two and one is consistently 'good'. Some parents use it as leverage and create all sorts of issues, but unfortunately, parents that wouldn't dream of doing that and work to always appear as fair and egalitarian as possible will still end up hearing the same words 'You always compare me to them!' There seems to be this innate response in younger siblings to look for a space not occupied by their elder brother or sister. If they're naughty, the younger will become a paragon of virtue and if they're good then it's not uncommon for the younger sibling to gravitate towards 'naughtiness'.  Does this fit with your family?   ... View more

Ain't nothing wrong with a long post @taokat   And I completely agree with what you said. ... View more

@Piccola This is the thread I mentioned. Please feel free to share your yoga experiences with us here! ... View more

@Red21 Would you pretty please add this info to your yoga thread.  ... View more

@Mamalove4 @Mamalove4 wrote: real life is harder than what any article prepares you for! ... View more

Hey @lucille I agree with Tom, thank you SO much for being willing to have this conversation here. It's such an important one. It needs to be ok to discuss medication related to mental health. They are such a complex, unknown entity, to also not be able to ask questions, hear experiences and relate yours makes it so much harder to navigate the landscape. So yes, good on you.   And as Tom says, we are not able to give medical advice but I'm confident that's not what you want. It sounds to me like you're wanting to hear what others have been through so you can feel a bit more confident in your choices. Am I on the right track?   Personally, I think your approach of making a change and then waiting to see how that feels for him is a great way to do this. Is your son willing to negotiate time frames? As in, 'I will wait for x amount of time and then drop down again.'  It can take up to 6 weeks for MH medication to take affect so my understanding is that's a good rule of thumb to apply when making any changes.   ... View more

Hey @Preet Could you let us know what kind of support you were looking for, please?   I'm not sure if you've realised but you've landed on an Australian based site so all the services we refer to are based here. I'm happy to Google something more local for you if that's more helpful. ... View more

I'm not sure what I think about this. When I look at things like 'Blue Eye Brown Eye' which is at least a whole day, sometimes several days, and all experiential learning with the most amazing outcomes. It's one thing to sit a kid down and explain what white privilege is, another thing completely for them to live what it's like not to have it.   But then we know that identifying kids with bullying behaviours and having them bullied does very little to cease their behaviour.  A lot also depends on the age, they sound like they might be too young for something like this to work. Little kids are so self-centric that if you tell them they're being taken away all they feel is the terror of losing their parents and then relief at it not being real. They don't have the capacity to transfer that to others and understand 'their' experience. What tends to work better for kids that age is to have it acted out in front of them. When they see a small child being taken from their mum and dad they then relate it to themselves and think "I would be scared and sad." So the learning is achieved.   Whereas older kids need to experience it.   I completely understand your outrage @taokat and @LovingThruBlue because when you think about it from the kids' perspective it's horrible. But I also agree with @Lily17 that this needs to happen more, schools need to get better at letting kids know what really happened and continues to happen to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander kids.   In my house, I share pretty full on stories with my kids from my work so they understand how incredibly lucky they are.  What about you guys? How do you teach your kids about this stuff?   P.S Here's a Blue Eye Brown Eye clip https://youtu.be/Nqv9k3jbtYU Please note - I haven't watched this particular one. ... View more

I concur @Chalker Positive Parenting Program or Triple P is a game changer. The ReachOut Coaching runs along similar lines and does a lot around communication. Have you considered that @Beingme2017? ... View more

Haha @Lily17 have you seen this? https://parents.au.reachout.com/Skills-to-build/Wellbeing/Things-to-try-Social-media/What-they-wish-you-knew-about-social-media   ... View more

Yep I'm sure you have. I'm so sorry. What a difficult situation for you. ... View more

What about his online life? Do you know if he has connections there? Is it possible he's getting what he needs 'virtually' rather than irl? ... View more

That's very tricky. I feel for you very much. It might not appeal to you, so feel free to ignore this suggestion, but what if you wrote again, to the parents and girlfriend and thanked them for caring for your son. Then, instead of explaining how much damage they've done to your family you could explain how much you miss him and how you want a chance to re-connect with him.   Basically trying to turn them into allies rather than enemies.   Could something like that work? ... View more

How is he during conversations with you @Chalker? Can you talk to him in a way that dad can't? Not that it matters if you can't I'm just wondering if there's a window there. Mostly so you can discuss the fear around being hospitalised. When I've worked with young people in the past who are very concerned about being scheduled, usually as a result of experiencing it in the past, I will talk to them about how hospitals are only concerned with safety, not judgement. So he can speak freely knowing that they will only keep him if he's a safety risk.   It's tricky because it might be tempting to 'coach' him to not say certain red flag statements to ensure he doesn't get detained but the associated risk of that is so high. In truth, it would be better for him not to go than to learn to self-edit.   What's his average day look like? Are there any small windows of time you could build on?  I'll do some research and see what I can find regarding drug-induced psychosis and the neurological impacts. ... View more

Hi @Debbr29  Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. What a nightmare. It's so horrible to feel utterly powerless like this but I agree with @Chalker, you're handling it the best way you can.   Have you thought about writing a letter to the parents to explain your position? ... View more