Hi @momof1teen, I'm sure I've communicated with you on another thread as I recognise your username. Reading your story made me feel we have some similarities. I've been looking for the thread I posted, but cannot find it at the moment - I started a topic about my issues and the difficulties it brings raising my daughter who is 15. I can relate to you talking about yourself and the things you have learned about yourself and the changes it has brought with your daughter. Please believe I am by no means implying that you must have a mental illness like I do, which is what my thread was about, but I can so relate to how words and others can really impact you heavily. (That was my reason for wanting to share it with you). I admire the work you have put in as it's not easy making changes and takes practise before it becomes second nature. Having more understanding is the best thing though isn't it! It makes things so much clearer and gives empowerment. And hope! I completely agree with @Lily17 - you are the best person for your daughter. For so long I thought my girl would be better off in care because I felt so incompetent as a mum. I was told so many times that I was the best person for her and home with me was the best place for her. I'm so glad I had people around me who knew better than I did! Even though you cop her anger, you are her rock - even if you are a bit wobbly sometimes, which is okay. Life's a bit wobbly sometimes! I learnt through the Circle of Security parenting course that kids need us to be on point 30% of the time, and they will be ok. There's nothing worse than knowing you're not getting it right, but knowing you're giving it everything you have. That figure took a massive weight off my shoulders. If I am really stressed or I know today's not a good day for me, I let my daughter know. I assure her that it has nothing to do with her, she hasn't done anything wrong and I'm not upset with her in any way. She copes then and I will likely get a cup of tea made for me. When she feels it's because of her, we immediately have a problem. Teens can be so tough with their words, but they're marshmallows really. Keeping calm is the key. Trying not to react to her mean words, because they are purely showing her pain - she loves you dearly. Connecting at every opportunity, which you lovingly crave, I can hear that. Have you heard of Kahoot! ? It's a fun game we play. You can download the app for Android here or from the Apple App Store. Hidden in the fun is learning as it's a question and answer game. That has made it sound boring, but check it out, it is fun. Maybe that's something you and your daughter could play together as well and have a have a laugh and enjoy each others company for a while? It can help ease any tensions of the day, or week. Last part of this novel, people can be judgemental - imagine them nude (or maybe just in their underwear) Works for me every time!
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