Hello @Buttercup and welcome to the forums so glad you found us here!  It is so wonderful that you are sharing your story so that others do not feel so alone.   Before I respond, it sounds to me that you are not based in Australia – where we are,  so cannot refer you to any specific resources, but in saying that you have found a community of amazing supportive people and is a great place to hear from other parents who have been in similar positions.   My heart goes out to you at the moment and I am sorry to hear about how difficult things have been for you and your daughter – it is no wonder that you are feeling like you are at the end of your rope right now!     It must be so heartbreaking to watch your daughter suffer and express to you that she has ‘given up’ on things that she obviously values in her life – like her schoolwork and frustrating to not know how to help her through this.  I will say that your love for your daughter shines through in your post which is a huge positive and providing her with a comforting, loving and supportive space –while it may not seem like it now, is such a great start.   From your post, it sounds like you think that having your daughter reengage with a professional would be useful for your family at the moment – even though some of her recent experiences are causing her to resist this?  It might be the case that the professional you were speaking to previously was not the right fit for your daughter at this time and maybe proposing to her that you see somebody different might be more agreeable to her at the moment?  In my own life, it took me a few attempts to find a counselor who was completely right for me – but when I found her it was like a revelation and made all of the lead-up just part of the process of getting me to where I needed to be.   There are some amazing people who I am going to tag into this conversation as they have had experiences and perspectives that might be useful.   @taokat whilst not homeschooling exactly, has had experience with distance education and might have some insights into how that process was for her family.   In addition to this, @motherbear and @Chalke5 have spoken beautifully about their experiences supporting an anxious child.   Lastly @Schooner has shared experiences of finding the right professional help in the past.   Again, thanks so much for sharing your story here! ... View more

On your recommendation I caught up on Orange is the New Black over the break @taokat - thank you so much!!   I really enjoyed it.  I love the way it is structured where you get to see a little bit of the history of the characters and how that ties into the main story line!  Thanks so much for the recommendation! ... View more

A huge 'hello' to our newest members @Mumma_loko, @CCS78, @Chezee and @selvialdriani!     So glad you swung by the forums!   Feel free to let us know a little bit about yourselves by answering the following (but remember to keep it anonymous)...   1.  How old are your kids and what is one thing they have done recently to make you laugh? 2.  What led you to the forums today? 3.  Parenting can be really stressful - what do you do to keep those stress levels down? ... View more

Hi @CCS78 and welcome to the forums.   First up, sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at the moment with the surgery – that must have really thrown a spanner in the works!   I think we can all relate to your feelings that are coming through in your post about the messy house!  Like you, I have also had to work out how to best to motivate a son to take a more active role in the household!! From reading your post it seems like you have had conversations about this with your sons and these haven’t gone as well as you hoped.   Whilst I don’t have any real ‘answers’ for you, I thought I could reply with a few of the things that have had some small measure of success for me – setting up a family roster, and linking these to small ‘rewards’.   One thing that I found really useful was to sit down with my son and talk about a roster of tasks – all the things that needed to be done and who would be taking responsibility for them (including parents!).  We let him start off small and have input into the things that he would be responsible for (it started with sweeping the courtyard  - a job he really hated but did agree to grudgingly).   Because he knew that this was his responsibility we managed to get through the first couple of weeks by reminding him about the roster until it became second nature.  He could ‘tick off’ his chores on the roster and his input was finished!   We also set up small rewards tied to the completion of the task – in our home we don’t really do an allowance/pocket money so our rewards are all around dinner menu planning – anyone who has ticked off all their jobs gets to choose one dinner for the family (within limits!!) for the next week.   We are still going through this process at the moment and the next step for us is to start adding additional chores to our son’s roster but so far the baby-steps we have taken have had a seriously positive impact on the household!   Anyway, thanks for posting here and would love to hear about how others on the forums have dealt with this! ... View more

You too - thanks for hosting!   ... View more

I don't think I have one person - I have taken inspiration and bits and pieces from lots of people (both in my life and fictional) and obsessed about those little pieces/used them as inspiration in my life.  A lot of them were from when I was a teenager and trying to work out what values were really important to me. ... View more

That is fantastic - even though you miss her at least you left her with that! ... View more

Did you ever get a chance to thank her or tell her how influential she was to you? ... View more

Amazing - it is a special gift if someone can give others a tool or a skill that they can take with them for the rest of their lives. ... View more

Great topic this week!  Who is the most influential person for you? ... View more

Oh that must have been so nice!  It seems so long ago now though! ... View more

Sure did! was amazing to de-screen for a couple of weeks! - how was yours? ... View more

Hi @taokat - can't stay for long but did want to stop by and say hi!   ... View more

I am going to have to head off now @taokat.  Thanks so much for hosting again tonight - just what I needed after a long week - I am going to have to stop myself from researching dream holidays on the internet all weekend now though!   Have a wonderful weekend - and a great Xmas on Monday! ... View more

I would like to go somewhere to learn something specific - perhaps I would learn to tango in Argentina!     I think your dream sounds amazing @taokat - with that and your garden building today it sounds like you have some serious skills!   ... View more

I get it.  So - if money, time, responsibilities were no barrier - where is the one place in the world you would take off to tomorrow? ... View more

Is it all about activities for you or scenery or culture? ... View more

I love mountains and that kind of scenery - but also cold cities - scandinavia or japan or canada!   What about you @taokat? ... View more

Great question!  Well I am lucky enough to live in a part of the country where I have nice beaches really close to my home so I have never really been that excited by a tropical beach vacation.  For me, it is all about going somewhere cold! ... View more

Oh nice! will you be lunching in the new garden on Monday? ... View more

Hi @taokat! Popping my head in for a sec - how are you?   ... View more

@LovingThruBlue I wanted to check in to find out how things are going - are you ok? ... View more

Hi @Sparkle - I just wanted to check in and see how you are going with this.  ... View more

A huge 'hi' to our newest members @Sparkle, @beehive @Trio_ and @Nat17!   So amazing you joined us here - it's great to meet you!   It would be awesome if we could get to know a little bit about you and what brought you here (but remember to keep it anonymous!).    Some questions to get your introduction started...   1. How old are your kids and what makes you proud of them? 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? 3. What was it that brought you to ReachOut today? 4. What is the best piece of parenting advice you ever received?     ... View more

Hi @Sandavnickat - just checking in how are you going at the moment? ... View more

What a cool topic and I am def. going to drop by for a bit and get some inspiration from you all! ... View more

Hi @Nervous   “How do you comfort and encourage a child when the actual issue seems so small to you but it is a mountain for your child?”   Such a great question!    For me, I think that being aware that the issue is a mountain for your daughter is a really great first step.  It means that you can approach the hard conversations around your daughter’s anxiety with that always front-of-mind and that is really going to help your family communicate around these issues.    It is so very difficult for parents as we naturally take the burdens of our children onto our own shoulders and that is really tough.  It also means that the times that we want to be a rock and an effective care-giver as well as set boundaries for our children we are being undermined by our own emotions, concerns and worries.   I would love to recommend the ReachOut Parents Coaching service. It is a free, one-on-one coaching service for parents that will give you personalized advice over the phone.  You can set tactics and goals around having the right conversations with your daughter, setting boundaries with her and making an effective plan to move forward with support for your family.    You can find out about it by clicking on this link here.   You are asking all the right questions at the moment and the coaching service will really help you get to some answers.    Please let me know what you think about this or if you have any other questions about the service. ... View more

That is a good question @Nervous!   I'm not really sure about that as I went to my GP first to sort out the mental health care plan.  On a side note, my GP was really useful and it was great to have one point of contact who was organising all of the referrals and checking in with me.  I'm sure that after you talk to your GP and told them about where you are at they can answer all of those questions.   Something else that might be of use is giving beyondblue a call on 1300 22 4636 to ask that specific question as they might have answers?   ... View more

Hi there @Nervous I am so happy that you found us here on the forums and that just by being here you are already finding some relief.  I can only imagine what you are going through at the moment and how tough things are for you right now.   Just a quick note - I hope you don't mind but I made a couple of small edits to your post to make sure that they conform to our community guidelines which will allow our amazing parents in here help you out more easily.   It is amazing that your daughter has started the process of getting professional help.  While as you talk about in your post she is experiencing higher anxiety in terms of providing long-term help for your daughter it is amazing that you have someone to help you along the way (even if that way is feeling like it is a bit bumpy at the moment).   Reading between the lines of your post, I am getting a sense that you are also a little bit concerned about not picking up on the seriousness of the situation earlier.  It is amazing that you are helping her through this situation and I am sure that your support is providing her with strength so you should take comfort in that.   As for your concerns, this too is really natural especially with how tough your daughter and your family is doing right now.  You have so much on your plate at the moment and it is only natural that you should be thinking about these issues.  It does seem like you are being open-minded and hopeful but realistic about what will be happening over the coming times.   I was wondering do you have a medical professional who is supporting you through this process?  Someone who can talk you through some of the concerns you have and help you understand what is involved with this treatment?   There are members here who have spoken so smartly about the issues that you are experiencing like @Zoesplace who might have some insights. ... View more

Thanks for that @Mum25 - maybe it is just the way my (absolutely not teenage) brain works but I really find it useful to think about what is happening in our kids' brains and how that impacts behaviour! ... View more