Hey @missymoo13, I just wanted to jump on here to say thank you for posting such a supportive and empathetic reply to S-A-W. I can only imagine how hard it is not being able to see your child for such a long time and missing out on these important dates. I can see you have shared a bit more on the circumstances around this on your other thread and it sounds like such a stressful and upsetting situation. I wanted to check in on how you have been going with everything? Have you been able to reach out to any supports during this time? Looking forward to hearing from you ... View more

Hi @thtoo2112, thanks for reaching out about what's been happening with your daughter. It sounds like she's been struggling with staying asleep and this has been negatively affecting her mood, which would be stressful for the both of you. It's really great you've been trying to support her with this by taking her to the GP and thinking about other contributing factors. I wonder if you've been able to chat with the GP about the melatonin not helping things?  I can hear how much you care about your daughter's wellbeing and are wondering whether it might be helpful to encourage her to disconnect from her phone before bed. It's true that having a break from screen time before bed can help with getting to sleep. Do you think it could be worth having an open conversation about your thoughts on this? We have an article on helping your teen take a break from technology here, if that's helpful. It may also be helpful to ask her how she's feeling about her sleep struggles, and what she thinks what could be contributing to them, as well as what could be helpful for her.  I also wanted to share this collection of articles on sleep and teens, as well as an app called Sleep Ninja which can be helpful for young people struggling with their sleep. I hope this is helpful and your daughter is able to get some improvement in her sleep soon ... View more

Hey @CatMaman thanks for reaching out and it's great you're wanting to connect with other parents on here :) You are more than welcome to connect with others in the community so long as you maintain anonymity and adhere to our community guidelines. We have found many of the parents and carers coming onto the community tend to post with a specific "issue" they're struggling with, looking for advice or referral. Hence the community member might mark their thread as "solved". Peer support between parents does seem to occur less frequently on here, but it is something we welcome and love to see.  Sadly, the community can be quiet at times on here so it may be worth also reaching out to other services as well (e.g., headspace's peer support chats). I hope this helps and you're able to make some connections on here :)   ... View more

Hi @Worriedmum78, firstly thank you for sharing what your family are going through and welcome to the parents and carers community. It must have been so shocking and upsetting to learn that your daughter was still seeing this guy and the support they had from others in the young man's life. I can hear how understandably worrying her being in a relationship with, and moving in with him is, given his history of criminal charges, as well as the signs of coercive control. I want to say you've done what sounds like the best anyone could do to protect your daughter in a really awful situation, which shows how much you love and care for her. I can only imagine how distressing it must be seeing your daughter act so differently to the person you raised. It sounds like you have also identified some signs of coercive control in this relationship which must have been a really scary discovery also. I'm wondering if you were able to talk to your daughter about the discovery of the snapchat messages? Do you have anyone supporting you through this at the moment? It might be helpful reaching out to a service like 1800RESPECT to chat more about coercive control and supporting a loved one experiencing it. They can also support you around how and when to have conversations with your daughter about the relationship, along with steps to take should the time come when your daughter needs to leave the relationship safely.  We'll also be sending an email shortly as well so please keep an eye out for that! Take care and looking forward to hearing from you ... View more

Welcome to the parents and carers community @Babycat and thanks for reaching out for support. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate looking after 4 kids and that in itself is a pretty big thing— I'm wondering if you might be being a little bit hard on yourself saying you haven't been successful so far?  I can hear you've been struggling with your stress levels and are looking for advice around supporting your kids. Sitting with your dog and watching silly clips sounds like a great self-care strategy, do you find this helps with your stress levels? We have an article on self-care here which you might find helpful if you're looking for some more ideas. I'm also wondering if you have anyone supporting you at the moment who you feel able to talk with about the stress? It sounds incredibly stressful battling with your school refuser every weekday so I'm glad you're reaching out for support. We have a collection of articles on school refusal here if that could be helpful. Otherwise, if you're looking for 1:1 support, ReachOut also has a coaching service, or you might like to check out Parentline.  In terms of navigating autism and PDA, it may be helpful seeking advice from a professional. Otherwise, a service like Autism Connect might be able to offer you some resources and information about this. There are also some tips from reframing autism on supporting someone with PDA, and raising children also have some general information on autism which may be helpful. In terms of navigating the teen years, was there anything specifically you were looking for tips around? I hope these articles are helpful and you find the community a safe and supportive place. ... View more

Hi @Olaf2765, welcome to the parents online community and thank you for sharing what's been happening with your daughter. It sounds like it's been really tough seeing your daughter hide more and more from you as this is such a change from how she used to be. I can see you're really wanting to protect her from being hurt in a relationship, as well as supporting to set her up well for her studies and future, and that's a really positive thing. At the same time, I can hear you've tried talking with her about this and setting boundaries around her social media use and who she should talk to, but this didn't have the outcome you were hoping for. Now, despite you and your husband not talking to her, her behaviour hasn't changed, and you're wanting to know how to fix the problem. It's really great that you're reaching out for support, as this isn't always an easy thing to do. Navigating building trust with your teens and responding to risk taking can be a really stressful time. While it's important for teens to begin to develop that sense of independence and have privacy, it can be difficult for parents because they want to protect their teen from harm and ensure the best future for them. It's really understandable then that the response of many parents might be to implement stricter rules or boundaries to protect their teen. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, this may not have the intended effect. Teens can interpret your actions as not trusting them to make their own decisions leading them to withdraw and further hide things from you. It can be a bit counterintuitive, but allowing your teen to have that privacy and space to make their own decisions, while providing advice on staying safe and being there as a trusted support if they're struggling can be a helpful approach when building trust. Does this approach resonate at all with you?  Do you have anyone supporting you and your teen through this time? I wanted to share a couple 1:1 professional support services that you might find helpful. ReachOut has a parents and carers coaching service here, and there is also Parentline   ... View more

Hi @MamaJ, welcome to the online community and thank you for reaching out about what's been happening with your daughter. It must have been very distressing seeing your daughter so upset at such a level you haven't seen before. I can hear you have been trying to support her through these meltdowns in the past but this most recent one was very intense and you're not sure what to do.  It shows a lot of strength that you've reached out for help with this, as this isn't always an easy thing to do.  You mentioned that your daughter won't listen or take any help or advice from you, and it can be really tough when loved ones reject our help like this. Often, when our emotions are really heightened, such as during a meltdown, it can make it even more difficult to be willing to hear advice from others.  I'm wondering if you've been able to speak with her since the meltdown? Were you able to identify what may have triggered the situation?  In terms of strategies that might be helpful, you might find some of these communication skills helpful, but what's helpful may depend on your unique situation and what specifically was coming up for your daughter. Would you be open to share the kinds of emotions your daughter was experiencing during the meltdown, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness?  If you're wanting to speak one on one with a professional about what happened, it could be helpful to connect with a service like Parentline or ReachOut's parents coaching service.  ... View more

Hey @VJ160978 , Firstly I just wanted to welcome you to the Parents and Carers community and to thank you for sharing what's been happening with your teen. I can hear how much you care for and are concerned for your her and it's really great you're reaching out for support. It sounds like, even though you might not have knowledge of how to support her, you have noticed signs that she's been struggling and do want to support her, which are what matters. I can hear you're concerned about your teen's physical and mental wellbeing, as well as how not going to school could have a further negative impact on her. I'm wondering if your teen has been able to connect with anyone about what's been happening, such as a doctor or school counsellor? I do want to check in around how you're going as well? Do you have any supports at this time? We have some information which might be helpful around supporting your teen after a traumatic event here and here. We also have an article about supporting your teen through depression and anxiety here. Your teen might also find this app from Black Dog helpful with her sleep. If you're looking to speak to someone one on one, you might also like to check out our one on one coaching service here and there is also Parent Line. I just wanted to let you know that we'll be sending you an email shortly as well to check in so please keep an eye out for that. ... View more

Welcome to the parents community @renie! It's great to see you reaching out for help with improving your parenting skills. It shows a lot of strength and self-awareness to ask for help and believe you can do better.  I'm wondering if you were open to sharing a bit more about what's been going on or whether there was a particular topic you wanted help with? I'll share some general parenting skill resources if these could be helpful as well. We have a free 1-on-1 coaching service for parents and carers available here which you might like to check out. We also have a whole collection of resources around parenting skills here.  I hope you find the community a safe and supportive space ... View more

Hey @Lunabear you're welcome! I'm glad to hear you'll take a look at our coaching service. It makes sense you feel unable to talk to your friends as they're also friends with your ex. I'm hearing that you feel you don't have anyone you're comfortable confiding in about this, which sounds really tough. I'm wondering if connecting with professional supports around the situation with Miss 16 could be helpful as they can provide a confidential space to speak freely in? Our coaching service is just one example, but you could also check out Relationships Australia, or the Family Relationships Advice Line. It's understandable you don't want to betray Mr 14's trust by asking Miss 16 directly about this as well. It sounds like a really tricky situation to navigate ... View more

Hey @Lunabear welcome to the community and thanks for sharing what's been happening between you and Miss 16. It sounds like it was so hurtful to hear that Miss 16 did not actually intend to stay at your place but was trying to spare your feelings. Especially after you've tried so hard to connect with her. It's sounds like you're also feeling unsupported in your attempts to reconnect with her, with her father not being encouraging about her having a relationship with you. It makes sense you'd be feeling frustrated and like this is breaking you after repeatedly extending the olive branch.  Have you had the chance to talk to Miss 16 about what Mr 14 told you and how you've been feeling? It's possible there could be more to the Miss 16's side of the story but it's difficult because you don't get the chance to communicate directly with her.  I can hear how much you're wanting to fix the situation and are still wanting to connect with Miss 16. You've shown so much resilience and patience in supporting her as well as your other children. I'm wondering if you've been able to talk to anyone you trust, or even a professional about how you're feeling? I can hear how overwhelming this is when you say it's breaking you. We have a 1 on 1 coaching service you might find helpful to talk through what's been happening, and of course you're welcome to continue to connect on here as well.  We have some resources on self-care as well, and an article about having a difficult conversation with your teen which you might like to check out I hope you find the community a safe and supportive place ... View more

Hey @Symmo I'm glad you have found the community supportive and welcoming so far. It's totally fair that the advice from parenting books has been unhelpful in telling you not to worry -- if only it were that simple! It makes sense you'd be especially concerned with your son's behaviour appearing to be very different with you compared to with everyone else. I can hear that things changed for you when you started to become more affected by your son's behaviour. I'm wondering if your son noticed this at all, and whether his behaviour also changed at all following this? I can see from what you've shared that your wife is concerned about your son's interactions with you as well and it seems like she tried to help by holding a family meeting. However, it sounds like this might have not been as helpful as intended, especially with this meeting occurring without your prior knowledge or agreement. I can see you and your wife have already had discussions about setting consistent boundaries with your son, but she is worried it will negatively impact her relationship with him, which is understandable. It sounds like both of you really value connection with family and want to improve things between you and your son. I think perhaps something you've already identified is that consistency is really important when setting boundaries, and you might find this article helpful as well as it explores this. I hope you find these resources helpful and you are welcome to continue reaching out on the community. ... View more

Hey @Amethyst_19  thanks for sharing a bit more about how you've been feeling around supporting your daughter. I'm glad to hear you have some support for yourself with therapy. Are you finding this helpful for your own mental health? It can be unbelievably frustrating and scary when people we care for refuse to access support, especially when their behaviour is so upsetting for us. It sounds like you're doing the best you can to strike a balance between looking after your daughter and looking after your own and the rest of your family's emotional wellbeing. I'm wondering if you have any self care strategies you use to give you some space when things are feeling particularly stressful? I thought I would share an article we have about what to do if your teen doesn't want help as well as our self-care resource page if these could be helpful for you. ... View more

Hey @Symmo, welcome to the parents community! Thank you for trusting us to share what's been happening between you and your son and to ask for support.  I can really hear how proactive you have been in navigating these negative interactions with your son. Implementing strategies, seeing a psych, and talking with your wife are all really positive steps. I can hear that despite your best efforts, things haven't really been improving and you're starting to feel helpless and worried about the future. Is there something in particular you're worried about? It can really hurt when we feel hated or rejected by people we care about and it's understandable that you've been feeling this way around your son. Can I ask how long this has been going on for and whether there has been an obvious trigger for these interactions? I am wondering if these changes relate at all to any changes your son might be experiencing at this time. It's not uncommon for parents to notice changes in young people as they reach adolescence, often a time when puberty leads to changes in mood and behaviours. I'm wondering if you've had any thoughts around this? Though this doesn't make your son's interactions with you any less hurtful, it might provide some context around why this could be happening. We have an article here about preparing for puberty as well as how to set boundaries during this time which you might find helpful if you think this is relevant at all (of course, it might not be!) I'm wondering if you've been able to have a conversation with your son about how you've been feeling around these interactions you've been having? We have a resource here about navigating difficult conversations if this is helpful at all. I hope you find this community a safe and supportive place ... View more

Hey @mumsuzof2, First off, welcome to the parents community and thanks for reaching out about the fighting that's been going on with your two preteens.  It sounds like it's been such an exhausting time trying to keep the peace amidst all this fighting, especially with the lack of face to face supports you described. I can hear that you're hesitant to call friends and family because they are going through their own struggles? I'm wondering if you've had the chance to talk to a professional about this fighting, such as a GP?  I can really see how much care and effort you have been putting into looking after your son and daughter, with movie night and the plans for a nice day out with them. It is really understandable that you need a break. I'm aware that your son and daughter are still preteens, so some of our articles may be a little out of this scope, but Raising Children have some information and advice on sibling fighting which you might find helpful. There is also Parentline as well who offer free and confidential one-on-one support for parents in NSW.  I just wanted to let you know as well that we'll be sending you an email shortly to check in with you so please keep an eye out for that  ... View more

Hey @Orbit64 thank you for sharing your journey and some of the biggest learnings you discovered parenting through an extremely difficult 8 years with your son. I can really see the resilience and dedication shown supporting your son, despite trauma and setbacks you and your family encountered. This is really powerful to see and I'm sure your post will be reassuring for other parents reading it also. I did want to let you know I've made some minor edits to your post so it aligns with our guidelines. ... View more

Hey @Possum71 , Thank you for reaching out about what's been happening with your son, and welcome again to the parents' community. It would be so upsetting to experience these violent outbursts from your son which can go on for over an hour. It's really good to hear you have reached out for support from professionals around this. Despite their lack of findings, did you find the support of your son's treating team helpful at all?  It would be really exhausting having these "booms" flare up again, has anything changed which could be linked to this?  Just a heads up we'll be sending you an email soon to check in. In the meantime, it might be helpful to seek support from parentline or 1800 respect. We also have a discussion about questions related to puberty here, and an article about creating boundaries and about anger and teens. This is a lot to be dealing with as well, so I wanted to check in with how you and your son's father were feeling and if you had any support yourselves around this? ... View more

Hey @Possum71 welcome to the parents community! It's really brave of you to jump on here with it being the first time you've ever posted on a forum! I did see you've also shared what's been happening with your son in another post. Thank you for sharing and reaching out for support around such a tough situation. We'll be replying to this post as well shortly with some more support, but in the meantime welcome again and I hope you find the community a safe and supportive place ... View more

Hey @LadyLover62, welcome to the parents community and thanks for your support on this thread! Sport is definitely a great way to meet new people and connect when we're feeling lonely. It's really nice to hear that you made some lifetime friendships through sport as well.  ... View more

Hey @Exhausted16, welcome to the online community and thank you for reaching out for support with you and your daughter's struggle with school refusal. I can really hear that you've tried so many things to help your daughter, from seeking professional support to communicating with the school. It sounds like you and your daughter have made some progress and things have improved to the point where some days she can go to school without struggle. This is really good to hear. It makes sense that the transition into high school would have been made so much more disruptive because of the lockdown. Sadly, the lockdowns did seem to increase or worsen many families experiences of school refusal.  Your feelings of frustration and exhaustion are so understandable and I can hear that you're at a loss with what to do next and how to best support your daughter.  I wonder if you've spoken with your daughter about what's behind her avoidance of school and how she is feeling about it? I was also wondering if you have been able to access any support for yourself during this stressful time? We do have a lot of resources around school refusal which you can check out here as well as a discussion post about school refusal here I hope you find these resources helpful and the community a safe and supportive place ... View more

Welcome to the community @Quinn33 and thank you for reaching out for support. Receiving a new diagnosis can be a really disorienting time for both an individual and their loved ones. It makes sense that you would be feeling strange and worried following the diagnosis of your 16yo with BPD. Is there anything in particular that you are worried about that we can support you with? I'm glad you're trying to connect with other parents and carers going through similar situations as this isn't something you have to go through alone. We have an article here about BPD which you might find helpful and you might also like to check out the Carer Gateway. SANE also has a page on supporting a loved one with BPD. We have a lot of other parents and carers in the community looking after young people with BPD who I hope you can connect with ... View more

Welcome to the parents and carers online community @Jade321. Thank you for trusting us with what's been happening for you.  Going through a contentious divorce and maintaining a co-parenting relationship can be incredibly difficult. I can hear you are trying to support your child and to do right by them which is really challenging when you and her father have different wishes. Do you have any support around navigating your coparenting relationship? I also wonder if your daughter feels comfortable explaining to her dad the reasons she wants to move overseas as she done has with you? While ReachOut is unable to provide specific legal advice, so if you're needing advice, you could check out Victoria Legal Aid Help Chat or Phoneline, and they also have a page about parenting arrangements, which you might find helpful. There is also the Family Relationships Advice Line which offers referrals and advice for families affected by separation. Youth Law Australia also has information about the laws surrounding moving out of home when under 18, which you can find here. I hope you find these resources helpful and the community to be a supportive and safe space ... View more

Hi again @Garnet , Thank you for supporting Akitten on this thread. Your comment about putting on your own oxygen mask first is spot on. We can't look after others without first making sure we ourselves are okay. It can help to remind ourselves of this if we are ever feeling guilty for prioritising our own wellbeing. Your mentioning of Radical Acceptance as a skill is so insightful as well. Thank you for sharing this. There's a lot of things in life that do indeed suck and sometimes it can be more helpful to accept (this doesn't necessarily have to mean approve of) the things we cannot change. This can help us redirect our efforts to things that are within our control and feel more empowered ... View more

Hey @Garnet welcome to the parents and carers community! Thanks for posting on this thread to share your experience of DBT and to support sunmoonstarts It's lovely to see community members supporting each other. I can also see you are becoming a single parent. This must have been a challenging transition at times for you and your child. How are you and your child navigating this transition? Currently, our community is best set up for connecting and supporting parents and carers of 12-18 year olds. You might like to check out Parentline, which offers free one-on-one support to parents and carers if you are ever be looking for age specific supports.  Of course, we would love to see you continue to connect on here also and look forward to seeing you online in the community soon. ... View more

Welcome to the parents community @Children6 , Thank you for sharing about the situation with your daughter. It can be really tough reaching out for help with family conflict. Having your daughter leave home after being bombarded with so many reasons must have been really overwhelming and upsetting. Do you know where she is living at the moment or who she is with? It sounds like you're worried that whatever you say in response to your daughter's question will be received as the "wrong" answer? It would be hard to know what she's thinking, especially with her not reaching out until now. I'm wondering if you've been able to talk with her about how you've been feeling and asked how she is feeling as well? We do have an article here about having difficult conversations which could be helpful with this, as well as a list of things to try when tackling family conflict. Do you feel like asking a professional for advice could be helpful as well? We do offer a free one-on-one support service for parents which you could check out. ... View more

Hi @Anonymousdad    Welcome to the ReachOut parents community and thank you for reaching out about what you're going through. It sounds like both you and your fiancé are doing the best you can to support each other and your children during this stressful time. Raising young children in and of itself is stressful, and this is only made more difficult when you're doing it tough financially. I’m wondering if you’re currently accessing any support from the government at this time? The NSW government has a page here about financial supports available to families raising children, if this is something you might find helpful? I can see that your partner has expressed a need to switch off from the kids and she is also concerned that you are unhappy. I wonder if you’ve talked to her about how you’ve been feeling about everything? Do you think some tips for communicating about difficult subjects could be helpful? This page has some ideas that might be worth a read Looking forward to hearing from you ... View more

Hey @CandyGirl  I'm glad you're feeling more heard on here. It sounds like you're more looking for practical support and connection around how isolated and exhausted you've been feeling? You have so much on your plate: looking after your son, your dog, your partner, all while managing your own mental health. While your partner is someone you feel connected to, it's difficult because he's going through his own struggles.  The League of Legends streaming sounds like a nice way to focus on yourself when you can, you must be very good at it, having played for 10 years! I hope you find the carer resources helpful if you get the chance to check them out- we'd love to hear your thoughts I hope you're finding the community a safe and supportive place and continue to reach out    ... View more

Hi @cuddly_parrot ,  Firstly, thank you for reaching out for some advice around supporting your 5 year old. I can hear how much work you put into advocating for and protecting him. It can be really tough navigating the education system when your child has complex needs. It sounds like you have previously tried to communicate with the schools around his needs but they have not met them? It would be so concerning for you to have him come home with soiled clothes :(  I wonder if you haven't already looked into this, if it could be helpful to get a medical professional involved to develop a support plan for your child? What are your thoughts on the what the school could do to better support your child? I can hear that you are wanting to have him repeat kindergarten, I wonder if there are other supports you've considered as well? The QLD government has some information around the kind of support schools offer for inclusive education. Raisingchildren also has a page about developing a plan for supporting students with complex needs, and ACD has a page specifically around supporting children with toileting concerns at school.  Again, thank you for reaching out and welcome to the online community! I hope you are able to find some more support for your 5 year old ... View more

Hi @mummaworries ,  Welcome to the online community! Thank you for reaching out for support with the near miss situation that happened during your daughter's second driving lesson. It sounds like it was a frightening situation for the both of you and I'm glad neither of you were harmed. It's natural for your daughter to be scared to get back behind the wheel following a stressful event such as this, but I'm hearing that both she and you are keen for her to to continue?  It's very common for near misses to happen when starting out, as I'm sure you're aware. The fact you were ready to respond to danger and chose a quiet location to start were both good protective factors.  Right now, it might be helpful to ask and validate how your daughter is feeling and listen to her concerns without judgement. How have you both been since the lesson?  If and when you are both ready to resume lessons, you could talk about any other protective measures you could take to make you both feel safer. The main thing, I think, is to ensure your daughter feels heard and safe, and to remember that it is her choice whether she wants to continue with lessons Looking forward to hearing from you ... View more