Hey @chilli918 , Welcome to ReachOut! I would like to thank you for being honest and courageous by sharing what you’re going through. What you are experiencing with your 13 year old daughter would be incredibly taxing to say the least, so it’s completely understandable and valid to be feeling lost, exhausted and helpless. I can also see that you are feeling heartbroken for your daughter and may be afraid of what she might be getting involved in.  Self-care is unlikely to be on your conscience at present but can be really helpful to manage these feelings you have, so I’m wondering if you’ve been able to engage in any self-care? This article on self-care  includes a few tips on self-care and might be helpful for generating new ideas. I was also curious to know if you and your daughter have any social supports together? Sometimes it can help to have another person who is on the same page throughout everything that is happening, whether that be extended family, old friends or teachers? Parents often fail to give themselves the recognition they deserve during these tough times, so It’s important to acknowledge and recognise that you are doing the best you can in such a complex situation! From what you’ve shared I can see that you’ve made sure to support your daughter in any way possible which shows your strength and unconditional love. Despite your daughter not following your boundaries, she is still open and comfortable to communicate with you, which shows the special connection you both share.  It is also important to remember that your wellbeing is just as valuable as your daughters. I can see that you’re connected with a clinical psychologist and are being supported by the school. Have you had the opportunity to check in with your psychologist and discuss how you’re feeling around this? I am also wondering if you’ve been able to speak to any friends or family about what you’re experiencing? It might also be helpful to receive additional support during this time, so I encourage you to connect with ReachOut’s 1:1 parent coaching service that is free and confidential. Additionally, Parentline is another great service that offers free and confidential counselling that might be useful to explore.  I look forward to hearing from you soon! ... View more

Hi Renie, Great to see you here. Parenting is quite a complex/tough job and sometimes not very rewarding but it's the BEST job in the world.  There is no "one-size-fits-all" especially when it comes to being a parent, whatever works for someone else's child may not work for you. It's always good to learn new things but don't put too much pressure on yourself, I am sure you are doing a GREAT job and doing as best as you can. Take care, cheers   ... View more

Thanks again for the reply. I'll keep trying to make an appointment for the one on one service (so far the appointment times don't fit).   ... View more

Thank you! I have already started using the resources you have suggested and they are definitely helping with the over thinking and worry. Many thanks.  ... View more

Hi @weshareyourpain    Welcome to the ReachOut Parent and Carer Community,   Thank you for providing such empathetic support! Thank you also for sharing what has been going on for you and your family. It's clear that you and your family are doing your best in supporting your daughter through her mental health journey. I understand that this is can be a very stressful time for you and I'm wondering if you currently have any supports for yourself?   If you feel the need for one-on-one support, the Eating Disorders Families Australia offer free counselling services to carers of family members with eating disorders. Additionally, if your daughter requires further support for herself, Butterfly Foundation offers free and confidential counselling over the phone, over email or online.   I hope you continue to find the support you seek here in the community.   I look forward to your reply.     ... View more

Coming from a culture where extended big families are common, here’s a suggestion - when he comes home from school then do things together with him so he feels less lonely. You can play video games with him, go for walks together, make sure the family spends time together doing anything that works - cooking and eating together,walking, shopping together, going out to eat together , going to the beach etc. Sun, fresh air and walking helps depression. He will feel less lonely if he feels connected and social at home. If u can, get a dog. And if it’s possible, change his school. Take care ... View more

Hi mumsuzof2, I empathise with you, it's really tough doing it on your own, And I guess that's why this forum was created. I just wanted to let you know I get what you're going through, Some days it feels like you're in a war that won't ever end but there is hope. All the best, I hope you get the support you need here 🤗 Catmaman ... View more

Hey @Symmo I'm glad you have found the community supportive and welcoming so far. It's totally fair that the advice from parenting books has been unhelpful in telling you not to worry -- if only it were that simple! It makes sense you'd be especially concerned with your son's behaviour appearing to be very different with you compared to with everyone else. I can hear that things changed for you when you started to become more affected by your son's behaviour. I'm wondering if your son noticed this at all, and whether his behaviour also changed at all following this? I can see from what you've shared that your wife is concerned about your son's interactions with you as well and it seems like she tried to help by holding a family meeting. However, it sounds like this might have not been as helpful as intended, especially with this meeting occurring without your prior knowledge or agreement. I can see you and your wife have already had discussions about setting consistent boundaries with your son, but she is worried it will negatively impact her relationship with him, which is understandable. It sounds like both of you really value connection with family and want to improve things between you and your son. I think perhaps something you've already identified is that consistency is really important when setting boundaries, and you might find this article helpful as well as it explores this. I hope you find these resources helpful and you are welcome to continue reaching out on the community. ... View more

Hey @Amethyst_19  thanks for sharing a bit more about how you've been feeling around supporting your daughter. I'm glad to hear you have some support for yourself with therapy. Are you finding this helpful for your own mental health? It can be unbelievably frustrating and scary when people we care for refuse to access support, especially when their behaviour is so upsetting for us. It sounds like you're doing the best you can to strike a balance between looking after your daughter and looking after your own and the rest of your family's emotional wellbeing. I'm wondering if you have any self care strategies you use to give you some space when things are feeling particularly stressful? I thought I would share an article we have about what to do if your teen doesn't want help as well as our self-care resource page if these could be helpful for you. ... View more

Hey @Possum71 , Thank you for reaching out about what's been happening with your son, and welcome again to the parents' community. It would be so upsetting to experience these violent outbursts from your son which can go on for over an hour. It's really good to hear you have reached out for support from professionals around this. Despite their lack of findings, did you find the support of your son's treating team helpful at all?  It would be really exhausting having these "booms" flare up again, has anything changed which could be linked to this?  Just a heads up we'll be sending you an email soon to check in. In the meantime, it might be helpful to seek support from parentline or 1800 respect. We also have a discussion about questions related to puberty here, and an article about creating boundaries and about anger and teens. This is a lot to be dealing with as well, so I wanted to check in with how you and your son's father were feeling and if you had any support yourselves around this? ... View more

Hi Quinn33, thanks for replying on my post, sorry its taken a while to respond. I'm happy to chat if you need to talk about how you're feeling and things are going since your daughters diagnosis. ... View more

Hey @Exhausted16, welcome to the online community and thank you for reaching out for support with you and your daughter's struggle with school refusal. I can really hear that you've tried so many things to help your daughter, from seeking professional support to communicating with the school. It sounds like you and your daughter have made some progress and things have improved to the point where some days she can go to school without struggle. This is really good to hear. It makes sense that the transition into high school would have been made so much more disruptive because of the lockdown. Sadly, the lockdowns did seem to increase or worsen many families experiences of school refusal.  Your feelings of frustration and exhaustion are so understandable and I can hear that you're at a loss with what to do next and how to best support your daughter.  I wonder if you've spoken with your daughter about what's behind her avoidance of school and how she is feeling about it? I was also wondering if you have been able to access any support for yourself during this stressful time? We do have a lot of resources around school refusal which you can check out here as well as a discussion post about school refusal here I hope you find these resources helpful and the community a safe and supportive place ... View more

Welcome to the parents and carers online community @Jade321. Thank you for trusting us with what's been happening for you.  Going through a contentious divorce and maintaining a co-parenting relationship can be incredibly difficult. I can hear you are trying to support your child and to do right by them which is really challenging when you and her father have different wishes. Do you have any support around navigating your coparenting relationship? I also wonder if your daughter feels comfortable explaining to her dad the reasons she wants to move overseas as she done has with you? While ReachOut is unable to provide specific legal advice, so if you're needing advice, you could check out Victoria Legal Aid Help Chat or Phoneline, and they also have a page about parenting arrangements, which you might find helpful. There is also the Family Relationships Advice Line which offers referrals and advice for families affected by separation. Youth Law Australia also has information about the laws surrounding moving out of home when under 18, which you can find here. I hope you find these resources helpful and the community to be a supportive and safe space ... View more

Hi again @Garnet , Thank you for supporting Akitten on this thread. Your comment about putting on your own oxygen mask first is spot on. We can't look after others without first making sure we ourselves are okay. It can help to remind ourselves of this if we are ever feeling guilty for prioritising our own wellbeing. Your mentioning of Radical Acceptance as a skill is so insightful as well. Thank you for sharing this. There's a lot of things in life that do indeed suck and sometimes it can be more helpful to accept (this doesn't necessarily have to mean approve of) the things we cannot change. This can help us redirect our efforts to things that are within our control and feel more empowered ... View more

Welcome to the parents community @Children6 , Thank you for sharing about the situation with your daughter. It can be really tough reaching out for help with family conflict. Having your daughter leave home after being bombarded with so many reasons must have been really overwhelming and upsetting. Do you know where she is living at the moment or who she is with? It sounds like you're worried that whatever you say in response to your daughter's question will be received as the "wrong" answer? It would be hard to know what she's thinking, especially with her not reaching out until now. I'm wondering if you've been able to talk with her about how you've been feeling and asked how she is feeling as well? We do have an article here about having difficult conversations which could be helpful with this, as well as a list of things to try when tackling family conflict. Do you feel like asking a professional for advice could be helpful as well? We do offer a free one-on-one support service for parents which you could check out. ... View more

Hi @Anonymousdad    Welcome to the ReachOut parents community and thank you for reaching out about what you're going through. It sounds like both you and your fiancé are doing the best you can to support each other and your children during this stressful time. Raising young children in and of itself is stressful, and this is only made more difficult when you're doing it tough financially. I’m wondering if you’re currently accessing any support from the government at this time? The NSW government has a page here about financial supports available to families raising children, if this is something you might find helpful? I can see that your partner has expressed a need to switch off from the kids and she is also concerned that you are unhappy. I wonder if you’ve talked to her about how you’ve been feeling about everything? Do you think some tips for communicating about difficult subjects could be helpful? This page has some ideas that might be worth a read Looking forward to hearing from you ... View more

Hey @CandyGirl  I'm glad you're feeling more heard on here. It sounds like you're more looking for practical support and connection around how isolated and exhausted you've been feeling? You have so much on your plate: looking after your son, your dog, your partner, all while managing your own mental health. While your partner is someone you feel connected to, it's difficult because he's going through his own struggles.  The League of Legends streaming sounds like a nice way to focus on yourself when you can, you must be very good at it, having played for 10 years! I hope you find the carer resources helpful if you get the chance to check them out- we'd love to hear your thoughts I hope you're finding the community a safe and supportive place and continue to reach out    ... View more

Hi @cuddly_parrot ,  Firstly, thank you for reaching out for some advice around supporting your 5 year old. I can hear how much work you put into advocating for and protecting him. It can be really tough navigating the education system when your child has complex needs. It sounds like you have previously tried to communicate with the schools around his needs but they have not met them? It would be so concerning for you to have him come home with soiled clothes :(  I wonder if you haven't already looked into this, if it could be helpful to get a medical professional involved to develop a support plan for your child? What are your thoughts on the what the school could do to better support your child? I can hear that you are wanting to have him repeat kindergarten, I wonder if there are other supports you've considered as well? The QLD government has some information around the kind of support schools offer for inclusive education. Raisingchildren also has a page about developing a plan for supporting students with complex needs, and ACD has a page specifically around supporting children with toileting concerns at school.  Again, thank you for reaching out and welcome to the online community! I hope you are able to find some more support for your 5 year old ... View more

Hi @mummaworries ,  Welcome to the online community! Thank you for reaching out for support with the near miss situation that happened during your daughter's second driving lesson. It sounds like it was a frightening situation for the both of you and I'm glad neither of you were harmed. It's natural for your daughter to be scared to get back behind the wheel following a stressful event such as this, but I'm hearing that both she and you are keen for her to to continue?  It's very common for near misses to happen when starting out, as I'm sure you're aware. The fact you were ready to respond to danger and chose a quiet location to start were both good protective factors.  Right now, it might be helpful to ask and validate how your daughter is feeling and listen to her concerns without judgement. How have you both been since the lesson?  If and when you are both ready to resume lessons, you could talk about any other protective measures you could take to make you both feel safer. The main thing, I think, is to ensure your daughter feels heard and safe, and to remember that it is her choice whether she wants to continue with lessons Looking forward to hearing from you ... View more