07-28-2018 02:56 PM
07-28-2018 04:08 PM
Hi @Town625 thank you for sharing your experience on RO. I'm sure quite a few of our parents will have been through similiar trials with their teens and will be able to offer some support and advice. I'm also so sorry that you and your daughter are in this space at the moment, it must be really difficult to hear your daughter doesn't like herself and is self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. I think it was a great idea to offer the support of the counsellor and while she may not be ready right now, just keep at it and hopefully soon she might be. In the meantime, do you have a counsellor that could help you to support you through this time?
Also thank you for letting us know you're not based in Australia. That's ok, you can still use our forums it just means that some of our resources, information etc may not apply to you as its local.
07-28-2018 04:35 PM
07-28-2018 06:11 PM
Hey @Town625 being a single parent must feel a lonesome journey at times without an advocate alongside you, I am super stoked to hear about the upcoming support circle; how amazing. This forum can also provide an online base for that What do you do for yourself when things get so intense between the two of you? Is there anything that you really enjoy, in terms of self-care that you can engage in?
I will tag some other forum members for their insight
07-29-2018 11:50 AM
07-30-2018 01:59 AM
I am sorry you are going through so much with your daughter. We are going through crisis right now too so I understand your heartbreak. ( I live in the US and this is the best support I have found!)
My daughter is 15 so I am not exactly in the same boat with her leaving and not coming home at night since she cant drive and we live out in the country- however we are no stranger to the drinking, and pot and impulse control and bad decisions around sexual behavior.
I know that heart break and sickening feeling around my daughters bad choices. I just want to shake her and tell her she is worth so much more. I cant get through either. I just keep loving her and keep the lines of communication open any way I can. Teen group and therapy have helped her immensely. I think she likes having other teens to talk about stuff that are going what she is going through.
We have had our issues around pot as well. At first I was allowing it because it kept her from self harming when she was having bad episodes. But as time went on and she still had suicide attempts we decided to no longer allow it in the house, it also has a bad effect with her medications. So now we drug test and there are consequences if she fails. Things have settled down in our house- Over time I see that the issues with my daughter comes in waves and I sometimes just take it day by day.
I am sorry I doubt I was any help to you. I just want you to know you are not alone in your pain. We are here for you. I also attend a family group once a week where other parents are. It is very comforting. It seems like these struggles with our kids are so taboo to talk about out in "public" plus sometimes I just don't want to hear the judgments attached to their "advice" ( I am talking some friends and family)
07-30-2018 02:11 PM - edited 07-30-2018 02:12 PM
07-30-2018 09:41 PM
I am so glad you are doing a parent support group. Honestly the support online and the weekly support groups I go to are what is keeping me grounded mentally.
My daughter was hospitalized for suicide attempt and part of her release conditions was that she attend weekly teen and family groups. So I think she really didn't feel like she had a choice. Also, once she went she liked it.
In my experience, when I feel like I am at a standstill with my daughter ( like she's not opening up, etc) I just kinda step back and really focus on my own self care. I do some therapy for myself, exercise and journal. Its my way of refueling before the next thing comes up.
07-31-2018 11:17 AM
08-01-2018 12:19 AM
I think that's awesome that you are spending time with your friends, doing the support group and reading on parenting. Honestly I think right now the only thing we have any control over is ourselves. Doing activities away from our kids gives us new ideas and a fresh perspective on our situation.
I see a therapist to help try to clear my head and remove some of the negative thoughts and hopelessness that pops up sometime.
I know what you mean that the everyday life is still hard. I feel that way too. I know it gets easier and not everyday will be hard. Then sometimes its a rollercoaster, sometimes you don't know what direction the day is going to go. It does make me appreciate the good days that have laughter and singing in the car so much more.
I believe this journey we are on with our daughters will make us stronger people, give us deeper connections with others and we will come out the other side with peace and knowing that we can help others in the same boat. Hang in there.....hugs
It looks like you’re visiting us from a country other than Australia.
We are an Australian service and think you’d benefit more from looking up a similar service in your country.
You are welcome to look around the forums, but please don’t make an account or post, as we can’t offer you the help you may need.
Before you go ahead and post, you should know that we remove non-Australian accounts – not because we don’t want to help or connect with you, but because we may not be able to provide you with the service that you require.