Gosh, I can chime in here. My wife and I have been struggling with our 15 yr old son for 18 months now.
We completed the Reachout online parenting. It was fantastic. However, everything we have done, our son develops a strategy around.
His current behaviour:
- We got him into a new school this year, based on him saying he would get back to working hard. He attended 50 % last term and is effectively failing subjects due to lack of work and or attendance. Worst is he is very smart and able to get A B marks easily.
- He may stay at home 1 or 2 nights a week.
- He goes out without letting us know where he is, who he is with or what he is doing.
- Zero effort around the house on most fronts. Washing, clearing dishes, everything.
Positives.
- He does clean his teeth.
- He can get stinky, however will wash if asked to
- He continues to train and play hockey
My wife had to go away for two weeks during the school holidays for a mental health break.
Before the school holidays he was particularly obnoxious, especially to my wife.
- For example: Extreme bad language and abuse if asked to put a load of clothes washing on.
- This has then extended to aggressive abusive behaviour, slamming doors, thumping through the house with heavy foot steps, threatening close physical proximity, yelling etc.
While she was away things got even worse.
- He went into a rage for about 6 hours, ransoming objects around the house, determined to have me buy him replacement clothes that had been stolen from him. I attempted to calm him, but refused to cave into the threats. In response he started smashing firstly a large glass vase with a hockey stick. Once I cleaned it up and made dinner, he smashed the bowl of food against the wall.
- Later in the evening it extended to smashing a large kitchen window (into the house). Once the bulk of the glass was cleaned up, he smashed more glass in the broken frame.
- I got a glazier over to fix the window (Saturday evening). Once fixed he attempted to smash it again.
- Then he took my iPad and totally destroyed it.
- After this, he started smashing my bedroom door with a hockey stick. I was barricading myself and the dog in the room. The police had already visited twice in the evening. During this event, I was genuinely scarred. He was out of control.
- The police came during this final episode and took him away.
He came back the next morning (Sunday), and I took him to hockey to play a game.
He behaved with no apology or any apparent remorse. The only evidence was that he was pleasant to me for the first time for a whole day.
My wife arrived back from her holiday and he started up again. This extended to threatening her on Sunday afternoon as he was leaving for the evening that "she was lucky he had not smashed the house up again". This threat spurred her into action the next day. She visited the police and several courts, finally finding that she could get a Restraining Order against him in the Childrens Court. This was granted on Monday.
In the next day or so, he will be served with this Restraining Order. He will not be allowed to come within 100 metres of our house or her work.
It is tearing both of us to pieces. However I know that he cannot be allowed to think he can carry out such extreme violence and threats without consequence.
We have had to go for the NUCLEAR option.
