it’s impressive that she has a part time job! YoU’re doing something right there! Might be worth trying to reduce the number of issues you choose to argue with her on..... do an experiment and pretty well ignore some of the annoying ( but not life threatening) issues. Eg Let her choose whether she wants to shower or not. And sometimes all you can do is tell her calmly and caring my what you expect...... and then just breathe deeply if she doesn’t want to listen. I’ve got an obnoxious teenager too.... so I’m not saying there’s any magic. But I remember lots of Marly kids from school who turned into lovely adults a few years later. ... View more

Hi @Boyblue,   How have you been? How is your son going since we last spoke?   Really glad to hear that the recommendations here have been helpful    ... View more

I am so sorry you hurt your self and just wanted to say you are not alone, flummoxed by surly teens who have not received the 'gratitude' memo.   Our daughter is sixteen and has suffered from anxiety for at least eleven years.  She is out only child and so all resources have been spent on her and she wants for very little. We have a small family in Australia and not tons of friends although enough, she does not make friends easily and gets lonely so uses computers as interaction etc,   Anyway her anxiety makes her stunningly rude and add a dash of adolescence - good lord. She left her laptop at home the other day and asked me if I could drop it on my way to work, which I will do (have done once before) if she gets me in time, But the last time, I was in court and could not do it. So she asked her dad. He took the time out of his day to drop it off to her at school (not far from our house but still) and she DID NOT SAY THANK YOU but just took it and walked off.  Well that went down brilliantly but he was great about it and did not yell, we just quietly told her it was NOT and she felt our disappointment judging by her later behaviour.    SHe will not hug either of us or allow us to hug or touch her which we  respect. She hears us asking each other 'how was your day' and 'how are you' - you know, the usual courtesies that make the world go more nicely - but she would never ask how my day was or how dad's was. The kids dont ask each other these things though, I;ve noticed. they do seem to offer support to each other  over difficulties but never ask how they are.   She would never send a birthday card to anyone,, not to me, dad - anyone, without prompting, she will never make small talk because that's 'not real'.  Her total inability to be sociable means that most of the jobs available to her age group are out - service industries. No go for someone who hates people as much as she does!   She does not do housework but I think she would be able to if she lived alone or had management of a house so I don't fight that particular battle.   If I hurt my foot the way you did, she MIGHT get ice for me, if she heard me through the headphones but she would NOT ask how my foot was. Not a chance.   Its good to get this off my chest as the anxiety in her seems intractable and limiting and it does get me down when I see other peoples' kids behaving civilly as it reflects on us, the parents, when our kids are horrid and I have done nothing but model  good manner and civil behaviour.  I have not punished her hard for  not being polite because I was punished hard for rule infractions as a child and it made me hate my parents - perhaps undeserved but there it is, I guess I never found a middle ground.   ... View more

Hi @Tully99, I agree with all the responses on the forum. You are a wonderful Mum that's raising a mature, resilient young man. Year 9 is a really hard year for friendships as this is a stage when most teenagers like to change groups. How does your son feel about staying with this group? Do they include him in their lunch time activities or weekend get togethers?  If so that's great and I would tell him to persist and stay in the group. If not I would advice him to reconsider as not being included can be hurtful and effect his self esteem.  Please keep us updated as we are always here to help.     ... View more

Thank you so much @Amirah-RO    I don’t know how I missed your message earlier, apologies for my late reply!   Things have been up and down recently but we find the energy to keep battling on. I think it’s that softening of the heart and mind that allows hope to stay alive and keeps us moving forward. I don’t underestimate the value of hope      ... View more

Hi @Needadvice It can be so hard being in a blended family.  Especially with the 10 year old.  That's the age where they really need rules and boundaries but your partner needs to be on the same page.  Have you guys called "family meetings" where the 3 of you are there to talk about issues.  And maybe take it is one issue at a time to work on.  If you break it down it wont seem so impossible.  Hang in there.  I know you will have way more influence on the toddler.   ... View more

That's so great you're seeing some improvements @Mbfwt. The road's never linear though is it?! Hopefully the new nights meds will be the right fit. It can take time for them to give the lasting desired effect, and sometimes things can go backwards before they really improve. But as you so rightly say, time will tell, and hopefully this will be the right one for your daughter.    These wonderful nurses are what have inspired my daughter to study nursing. The drs and nurses are a very special breed of amazing!              ... View more

Hi @Worrisome . So sorry to hear this ! It must be so hard to watch your kid become so disconnected from family life . Without knowing the full story , have you had a discussion with your husband about  your theory on why she stays in her room ? A fathers discipline when balanced with lots of love and attention should be an insulater to a child disconnecting so obviously and consistently. If she is keeping away from him maybe from her perspective there needs to be more positive interactions ? I don't want to sound like I am judging him as I am sure he is doing his best ,and I don't know your husband or your daughter  but if this is the reason she stays in her room, as you say  ; to avoid him , it might be a good idea to address this with your husband to find a solution .  Perhaps building on her relationship with her dad , could be a key that unlocks her door ?  Small steps like spending time doing fun things together , or  playing cards in her room with her while they drink  homemade smoothies ?? Anything to get them establishing trust and connection across time .  I wrote a reply to @Nervous about coping strategies for social anxiety too . Its under : Anxiety is contagious .  best of luck !  ... View more

@LovingThruBlue how are things going - I just saw this post and Im so sorry you guys are having such a tough time of it ... View more

Fantastic, thank you @Kamogelok. The link to the additional resources thread is here if you'd like to check it out.   You're so right about technology. It's a parents nightmare for many I think!    I'll check out Qustido too @Schooner. I bet your son loves that! Lol. Tech is amazing these days. ... View more

Very keen to hear from @dazzlejazz too, hope you're doing ok! ... View more

Don't feel bad. Nobody can say no to the begging cat. Thanks!! ... View more

Oh @jdbza I'm so sorry for you and your neice. That poor girl, having to deal with this must be so overwhelming for her. All I can think is how lucky she is to have a stable, loving, supportive influence like you in her life.   And I really hope you're accessing your support networks. This is a huge blow, don't weather it alone.   Do you think that there might be some benefit in it all being out now? In the sense that you're no longer dealing with the feelings of is she / isn't she, while watching your niece cope with her mum being sick. I know it's incredibly painful but much like lancing an infection, at least now it can heal.   Are you guys able to have a bit of a break now? Not a holiday, just a break from communication with your sister. So you and your neice can process it. ... View more