Thankyou for your comments. I have had a lightbulb moment this week which has resulted in me feeling so much better. it occurred to me that when I was fifteen I went to boarding school . There was no conflict in our home, I was the youngest of six and was ready to leave the country town I had grown up in, and spread my wings. Maybe I just need to acknowledge that in my own son, and help him find the safe place where he too can experience some independence. Of course boarding school came with rules and routines, but I was ok with that. I still had a sense of independence, and if I was going to be late for meals etc due to sport, it was my responsibility to let the boarding house mistress know, etc. I had to remember all my books each day as our boarding house was a ten minute walk from school, so no ringing mum asking her to bring homework etc... i have spoken to a group care home and they are willing to consider son as they will have a vacancy in a couple months. The rules are actually stricter than home, it, hey, he will have to come to terms with the fact that independence comes with responsibility to yourself. He grumbled yesterday he had had four meals of cereal! Hmm, well, he walked in just after we had served dinner, I had cooked for the others early but was happy to cook pasta for him when he walked in. He walked in but went straight to his room and didn’t come out for two hours! We were on our way to bed by then! No cooking meals at 9:30 at night! He chose not to cook for himself, so, another bowl of nutigrain it was!! So, we have decided this weekend to broach the subject of moving into a group house scenario, and see if he will at least consider having a look at it and talking to the staff there. There are a couple kids from his school already living there, and it’s not far from home, nor from his casual fast food workplace. We would be willing to pay the boarding fee and just maybe he would be eligible for other payments due to family breakdown, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one. He may have to earn his pocket money, and that isn’t a bad thing. so, I have decided after an awful term last term, to not put my life on hold, and to do what I can to guide him. I will no longer put up with his abuse, so he has to make some decisions. I can provide opportunities for him to explore independence, but as I said, with that comes responsibility. Wish me luck! And to any new members reading this, hang in there, self care is vital, and do not hesitate to seek support, either through here and the counselling slice, or elsewhere in your community. oh, and he won runner up best player for his hockey team this winter! The agony and the ecstasy!!
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